A lesson in looking left and turning right.
17.09.2014 26 °C
Living in another country hurts. Each morning when I wake up, the world that I have come to know and love is going to sleep. From eight in the morning until four in the afternoon I feel alone and lost. My heart aches for the voices of people who helped me to see the beauty in each day.
As the sunlight pours into my room, the comfort and peace I felt the night before begins to slip through the cracked windows. Every morning I get out of bed with the hope that feelings of emptiness will be replaced with love. As someone who finds joy in soaking up every moment, this transition has been difficult for me.
But hey, that's okay.
The opportunity to learn how to create my own happiness is a gift. From eight in the morning until four in the afternoon, tears are okay. Feeling alone is okay. Feeling lost is okay.
It is in those times that I will be able to find a person who sees the beauty in her world, finds strength in her heart, and awakens the passion in every last bit of her being.
Pulling inspiration from a digital care package gifted to me by a friend, I wiped the tears off my face and got to work making my world a better place to be. The following is an excerpt from a response I wrote to the gift given to me by my friend Nick.
Today I went rock climbing in Jalón. During my second climb there was a point where I felt extremely weak and tired. I kept moving left trying to reach parts of the rock that I could use to lift myself up. I held on for a good minute or two before taking a step towards the right. That step changed my perspective of the wall, and I was able to find a path to the top.
I think life, and this internship, are similar to climbing. When you're up there on that wall, looking down at the world you know and trust, it can be terrifying to believe that stretching your arms a little further could bring you to a place full of new possibilities.
Like the rock face, there are going to be times here where I can't see my next move. Feeling trapped and alone it's natural to want to look down at the ground and rappel into a place that feels safe.
But safe doesn't get you to the top, and the top feels good.
I'm going to fall a few times, I'm going to struggle to see the next step, but as long as I have enough courage to reach a little further I know that I will find a way to make beautiful things happen here.
In order to make beautiful things happen, I needed a way to structure my mornings so that constant growth and progress would become second nature, leaving no room for worry or doubt.
My day now begins at seven in the morning. I start each day with a run and a destination in mind. The sunrises in Zaragoza are something else, so by the time I reach my destination pink cloud trails are beginning to float through the sky.
When I return I eat a real breakfast (this is a kind of a big deal, a healthy breakfast is usually not my thing) and begin working. While in Zaragoza I have several responsibilities. These include taking care of a four month old, a six year old, deep cleaning the house every week, creating and teaching two 1 1/2 hour English lessons every week, designing a website, designing a logo, and creating social media campaigns for two programs.
When taking care of a four month old, there are times when you are busy but have the opportunity to balance two activities at once. While taking walks (these can sometimes last for an hour) your hands are busy but your mind wanders.
During these walks I have started to fill my iPhone with podcasts. From This American Life to Freakonomics, my hours are spent filling my head with information that inspires and uplifts. If I am not working during siesta, (a common practice in Spain) I read a book or work on improving my Spanish.
I've eliminated chips and Skittles and replaced all snack items with a glass of water.
I'm redesigning the way I operate.
It feels good.
The weekends belong to me and my satchel. While in Europe, I want to take in all of the stained glass, open market goodness I possibly can.
By train or by bus, I plan to see and experience as much as possible.
Rome, Madrid, and Munich are currently at the top of my list, but I am open to wherever my feet and the train tracks take me.
Feeling okay and learning to be happy with myself are tasks that will take time and energy.
Mistakes will be made.
Lessons will be learned.
And I will find my path.
I hope you find yours.
Climbing on in Jérica
The top feels good